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50+ Short Funny Quotes and Funny Sayings to share

50+ Short Funny Quotes and Funny Sayings to share

Funny sayings

Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them.

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

If you’re hotter than me, then that means I’m cooler than you.

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.

My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.

You were too lazy to read that number.

Also Read: Best Funny Quotes and Sayings

Funny sayings

Funny quotes and sayings

Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.

A tree’s final moment of revenge.

Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.

I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.

My six-pack is protected by a layer of fat.

Also Read: Deep Love Images and Quotes

Funny sayings

 

Short funny quotes

 When nothing is going right, go left.

If you have crazy friends you have everything you’ll ever need.

Silence is golden unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious.

I’m not running away from hard work, I’m too lazy to run.

Don’t make me laugh, I’m trying to be mad at you.

If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it.

Also Read: Cute and Romantic Love Quotes for Her

Funny sayings

Funny sayings about life

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

A best friend is like a four-leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a brighter day.

At night, I can’t fall asleep. In the morning, I can’t get up.

Also Read: Happy Anniversary Images, Wishes

Funny sayings

Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.

If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?

They say ‘don’t try this at home’ so I’m coming over to your house to try it.

When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. Sincerely, the floor.

I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

I didn’t fall, I’m just spending some quality time with the floor.

Also Read: Valentine day Images and quotes 

Funny sayings

Life is short quotes

What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.

Why was six scared of seven? Because seven “ate” nine.

I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon.

My windows aren’t dirty, my dog is painting.

No matter how bad it gets, I’m always rich when I go to the dollar store.

Also Read: Happy Family Quotes Sayings and Images

Funny sayings

Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.

I know that I am intelligent because I know that I know nothing. – Socrates

Art doesn’t transform. It just plain forms. – Roy Lichtenstein

I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.

Every day is a gift, that’s why they call it the present.

I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried, but they wanted cash.

Why can’t you play cards on a small boat? Because someone is always sitting on the deck.

Also Read: 30+ Beautiful Flower Quotes and Sayings

Funny sayings

Funny inspirational sayings

Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day.

My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.

I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow.

When the past comes knocking, don’t answer. It has nothing new to tell you.

 Also Read: Happy married life Quotes

Funny sayings

 I wasn’t mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I’m mad.. yes, I’m mad!

Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, I’ll add ‘LOL’ at the end.

Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. – Albert Einstein

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. – Erma Bombeck

If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible?

Smiles are contagious, be a carrier.

Funny sayings

Short inspirational quotes

Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.

A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up.

I’m in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year.

I love my computer because all my friends live inside it.

My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. – Rodney Dangerfield

Also Read: Happy Chocolate day 2020

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Quotes

Best 45+ Ego Quotes & Sayings | Quotes About Pride Ego

Ego Quotes

Ego Quotes

“People who don’t respect elderly and poor people, I think they got a big ego.”

“Say no to Ego, If you have negative aspects of ego then battle it and defeat it.”

“Put your ego aside and don’t get offended if someone is trying to correct you.”

“Ego is just like dust in the eyes. Without clearing the dust, we can’t see anything clearly, so clear the ego and see the world.”

“Ego is false confidence, self-respect is true confidence.” – Naval Ravikant

Also Read: Top 50 Cheating Quotes | Cheating Ideas and Sayings

“Ego is about who’s right. Truth is about what’s right.” – Mike Maples Jr

“Ego is a social fiction for which one person at a time gets all the blame.” – Robert Anton Wilson

“Sometimes conditions happen like that you lose your ego or lose a friendship.”

“If, I am apologizing then this doesn’t mean that I am wrong but I am trying to find a way to save the relationship by putting aside my ego”.

“Some people destroy their relationship just because they are not willing to put aside their ego.”

Also Read: Being Ignore Quotes | Ignore People Quotes and Sayings

“The ego is the single biggest obstruction to the achievement of anything.” Richard Rose

“Leave your ego at the door.” Anonymous

“More knowledge, less ego. Lesser the knowledge, more the ego.” Albert Einstein

“Proud people breed sad sorrows for themselves.” – Proud people breed sad sorrows for themselves.” – Emily Brontë

“In all that surrounds him the egotist sees only the frame of his own portrait.” – J. Petit-Senn

Also Read: Top 40 Selfish Quotes | Selfish People Quotes and Sayings

 

Ego Quotes And Sayings

“Withhold admiration from a narcissist and be disliked. Give it and be treated with indifference.” – Mason Cooley

“The narcissist devours people, consumes their output, and casts the empty, writhing shells aside.” – Sam Vaknin

“Complaining is one of the ego’s favorite strategies for strengthening itself.” Eckhart Tolle

“The ego says: I’m still angry about yesterday, the spirit says: new day, new attitude.” Anonymous

“If you learn how to make fun of yourself, your ego will go down.”

Also Read: Hope Quotes, Saying and Images

“All my battles were with male egos. I’m just looking for equality, not to dominate. But I want to be able to control my vision.” – Joni Mitchell

“We are constantly protecting the male 1ego and it’s a disservice to men. If a man has any sensitivity or intelligence, he wants to get the straight scoop from his girlfriend.” – Betty Dodson

“There are a lot of male egos out there that cannot deal with highly successful women. And it’s their problem.” – Sheila Johnson

“Men learn while they teach.” – Seneca

“I like the moment when I break a man’s ego.” – Bobby Fischer

Also Read: Best 50 Powerful Quotes to Inspire and Give You Strength

 

Quotes About Pride Ego

“Ego is the great enemy. Ego will hold you back every single time.”

“The more you dis-identify with your ego, the more complete is your freedom.” – The Ancient Sage

“Cast out pride and vanity; have no thought of trying to rule over others or of outdoing them.” – Wallace D. Wattles

“Kill the cow of your ego as quickly as you can, so that your inner spirit can come to life and attain true awareness.” – Rumi

“Ego interrupts intuition.” Danielle LaPorte

Also Read: Life is Too Short Quotes | Enjoy Your Life To The Fullest

“The ego is not master in its own house.” Sigmund Freud

“The ego is always looking to find something – the spirit can see what’s already there.” Marianne Willamson

“Big egos have little ears.” Robert Schuller

“Suffering has a noble purpose: the evolution of consciousness and the burning up of the ego.” – Eckhart Tolle

“Fight your own pride and ego and be open-minded and always learning new techniques, new things from anyone.” – Sam Sheridan

Also Read: Best & Unique Heart Touching Quotes About life

 

Quotes About Ego

“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.” – Criss Jami

“Letting go of your ego opens the door to taking a new and creative course of action.” –Suzanne Mayo Frindt

“If you get your ego in your way, you will only look to other people and circumstances to blame.” –  Jocko Willink

“Spiritual transcendence is transforming the rigid ego attachments into acceptance of self and others.” – Lynne Namka

“When ego is lost, limit is lost. You become infinite, kind, beautiful”. – Harbhajan Singh Yogi 

“Do things that feed your soul, not your ego and you will be happy.”
“Your ego is your soul’s worst enemy.”-  Rusty Eric

“Too much ego will kill your talent.” – Anonymous

“As you dissolve into love, your ego fades. You’re not thinking about loving; you’re just being love, radiating like the sun.” Ram Dass
“The ego is the biggest enemy of humans.”

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